Note: More to Life with Faith and Lois is designed to be heard, not read. We hope you’ll listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that won’t be on this page. Our transcripts are generated with speech recognition software and may contain errors. 

 

Lois                        

Welcome to the podcast, More to Life with Faith and Lois.

Faith                   

I’m Faith

Lois                          

And I’m Lois.

Faith                      

Our podcast explores life’s many transitions that inspire and daunt us.

Lois                       

Such a good day to be back together.

Faith

It’s always a good day to be back together, right?

Lois                         

It’s so much fun to launch into these podcasts and you know, last week we did tackle a very tough topic. Suffering. It really is interesting how when these moments of distress pop up into your life, if I can pause long enough to remember that maybe there’s something it’s teaching me, it gives it an entirely different perspective.

Faith                    

It makes all the difference in the world, right? It’s not wasted time. Suffering does have a payoff.

Lois                        

And you know it is hard because sometimes I don’t see it, but that’s where when you do a podcast and when we talk about it, it comes more to the front of my mind. So by the way, if you haven’t heard that podcast and you’d like to hear what it is we’re talking about, we described last week, how when you’re in suffering, it often is those moments that will bring you the most joy because you’ve gone through something that brings you to the other side. We don’t encourage you to go through suffering unless you’re there already. But there’s something about going through that process that changes a lot.

Faith                     

Indeed it does.

Lois                       

Go ahead and check out that podcast and we want to thank you, those of you who are sharing them right now. And if you want to find out every week what it is we’re up to, please go to our website, www.moretolifewithfaithandlois.com. And sign up for our newsletter because that’s when you can find out the latest news. We have to share all the events that are going on. And of course we’re on social media as well. So every week we’re stepping into topics for this podcast that seem to orbit somewhere around today’s subject. And that is Episode 84 Transition: The impact of Wisdom.

Faith                     

I love wisdom. I think there’s so much richness for our lives, but oftentimes it’s a word. It’s a an experience. It’s a quality of life that people were look and think, oh, that’s when I get old and I’ll be the wise old woman or man on the mountain somehow. And what we’re going to talk about today is it doesn’t just naturally happen. It comes with a lot of character building and desire as to if you are a seeker of wisdom.

Lois                       

Yes. And that means that all of us can have wisdom. Absolutely. Instead of that other very wise person out there who may have these multiple degrees. If you just look at a straight definition, wisdom is the quality of having experience, knowledge and good judgment. You have wisdom as a quality of being wise and it’s really one of the key tenants is an ability to discern inner qualities and relationships. You know, you always meet those people, you go, oh, they’ve got wisdom because of the decisions they make because that’s often the fruit of wisdom. But Faith, wisdom seems to be an attitude that so many people want and don’t have, but they do seek it.

Faith                   

They do. And one of the things I oftentimes will tell some of my clients when they, when I wish I were wise, why didn’t I make a wiser decision? And I feel like I want wisdom, but I don’t know how to get it. I will kind of condense it down into some simple forms. That wisdom is when you’ve obtained the knowledge in life and around a wide range of things and you emotionally have experienced things from the heart and that you’ve been through sometimes the fire as a, as a result of life in general. But when you can put the feelings of your heart and the thoughts and the knowledge of your mind and you bring those two together, what comes forth from your mouth is wisdom. And it really does. You have to have both. If you just are feeling things and you don’t have any concrete thought to go along with it, you don’t have wisdom. If you just have thought, but no feeling around it, you don’t have wisdom. So all through life it’s bringing in what we have experienced, what we have felt, all those emotions we’ve gone through in life along with the knowledge that we’ve learned. And that is the developing of wisdom in itself. And then the one other piece is that when you look at situations or circumstances of life, if we just look at it for how it impacts us, then we are not in wisdom. But if we add that there’s a greater purpose, a greater meaning to what is happening, now you’re moving towards wisdom.

Lois                       

I love that because it also dovetails with how I look at wisdom as a journey. And the process we are on every step of the way. And for most of my life I was always looking for the destination. And when I arrive here I will then gain this. And when this happens I will gain this. Not acknowledging that every step along the way is actually what was building into me all that time. This new learning and learning for me is what wisdom is about. And the more we study and engage in activities that spur things in our minds. And engage with people who encourage us and uplift us. I get wiser by being around people that are wiser than me. Isn’t that the truth? And reading things that go, Oh yes. And by sitting under mentorship, by going through coaching or therapy, I mean all of those things bring wisdom into our lives and those aren’t destination points. Those are steps along the way. And I think I had it backwards. I was looking way out there instead of that, every inch that I’m going forward is how I get better. I mean, you know, if I think about it like riding a bike or whatever goal I have in mind, I never get good just by thinking about I’m going to be out there. I want to have that thought in my head, but I have to do those steps. And as I did them, I became stronger. Well, not just stronger physically, but now I’m becoming stronger mentally. And that’s where this learning process is coming in. And you know, you do meet people who feel like I don’t have any more to learn and they’ll actually say that, you know, like I’ve learned everything I need to know here. And I think one of the things I want to keep my mind open for all the time is there is so much out there, I may not be able to take it all in, but the more I willing to take it in, the wiser I will become.

Faith                    

This whole life thing is a journey and everything in every single day that every encounter we have, every single day is bringing us the opportunity to step into more and more wisdom. It’s the experience of life. And if you’ve learned everything there is to learn, I think you’re dead.

Lois                      

Okay, Faith said that.

Faith                   

There’s something missing! But that’s the whole thing. It’s like we’re alive. And how could you miss like just looking at anything out there. It’s going to open up your heart and your mind to more.

Lois                      

And that by the way is wisdom, which is so cool. So in the next 20 minutes we would like to explore what it takes to think like someone who’s wise because you know, we know that we, when we’re in the presence of someone we know is wise, we go, oh, that’s a wise person. But there are bits of wisdom that we can start carrying ourselves so that when someone meets you they say, wow, you’re wise. And this isn’t a trick by the way, I’m Dr. Carol Morgan posted an article in www.lifehack.org this month and it’s titled 10 ways to think like a wise person. So if you want to check out her whole article, it’s really brilliant. So we’re going to share a few of her thoughts and we’re going to mix in some of our own so you’ll see some similarities and some differences, but we thought we’d give you some little tidbits and tools that might encourage you in your quest for wisdom.

Faith                     

Yes. Because this all the character building and defining ourselves for who we want to be, these steps can actually help lead you to be in a very wise person in life.

Lois                       

So we’re on episode 84 and that is the Impact of Wisdom and the first tenant that we’re going to share with you is if your questions to be wise is to be kind.

Faith                     

Hmm, that is so important. We’re losing sight of kindness in life and yet, but kindness is just the foundational piece of being kind towards yourself, kind towards others and looking at a perspective that everything in life doesn’t have to be so edgy. When you add kindness and goodness to that, it softens things and it allows you to see it differently.

Lois                       

You know, many of us think of Mother Teresa as being wise and one of the quotes that I actually have posted up in our house is this one I so appreciate. She says three things in the human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind. And you know, it’s so true when I’m in the presence of someone that I think is wise, one of the first things they show me is kindness. They listen, they embrace my thoughts, they explore new avenues. And that all has to do with this level of being kind. So it sounds so simple and yet it is one of the wonderful tenets of life.

Faith                   

And don’t we love being around someone who’s kind and how good it feels when someone is kind to us.

Lois                       

So that’s one thing we’d like to share with you. Another idea as you’re exploring wisdom in your life is to think before you speak.

Faith                    

Well and that, yeah, and that’s really important. A very wise person that I really admire has said, never say the first thing that comes to mind. Think about the second thing. Give yourself a moment to pause and to reflect on. If I say this, what’s going to be the residual effect of this? Because you can still speak, but maybe there’s a better thing to say. So you’re right. Think before you speak, and this isn’t just for your kids before you decide to say something or anything, make sure the words can last for more than just this moment.

Lois                      

And I think that’s kind of the key, right? I mean I do want what we say to stay out there somewhere and not just disappear. And if we are just – just blurting out whatever’s at the top of mind, those will go away because it usually is just chaff. But if we wait and think just a little bit more, what comes out has the potential to be wise.

Faith                   

Yeah. And what you’re really developing is the muscle of wisdom when you pause and when you reflect because it’s in that reflection, you see things a little differently, you see a greater purpose. That greater meaning that I was talking about. And so these are opportunities to strengthen the muscle of wisdom.

Lois                      

I love that strengthening the muscle cause I’m listening, I’m hearing, I’m not just saying what I think, but I’m putting it in the context of the entire arena. Another way is to acknowledge that this present moment is a good one. And this gets back to what I was saying earlier where I was always looking for that destination. You know when I graduate I’m going to be really wise with this degree. But what about all those steps I took along the way where I was learning and becoming more wise in the process?

Faith                   

And you were learning how to relate. You were learning how to inter-connect with people and how to just be patient and to endure. There’s so many different things in the experiences that we go through in life that are the elements of wisdom. It’s not just the knowledge.

Lois                        

So as you’re looking for that job or if you’re looking for any goal that you have in mind, remember it’s all those steps you take along the way that bring wisdom to the forefront when you arrive so that you don’t just arrive and go, oh, well why don’t I feel any different?

Faith                    

Well, it’s more complicated than that. It’s, it’s a developmental part of life.

Lois                      

It is. And we also want to share with you something very exciting that’s happening in our podcast More to Life with Faith and Lois. We have the first sponsor for our podcast and we’re very excited about this. In fact, if you’re looking for a path to a healthy mind, we want to let you know about an amazing treatment program.

Faith                    

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Lois                      

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Faith                 

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Lois                       

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Faith                

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Lois                        

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Faith                  

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Lois                       

Awesome. We even have them on our website so you can check that out as well. So let’s continue in Episode 84 the Impact of Wisdom. One more way to really discover tenants of wisdom is to respond instead of react.

Faith                

This is so important. Our initial reaction most often in life is to react because that defensive reaction comes up. We want to be heard, we want to be seen, we want our opinions heard, we want our thoughts, our convictions heard. And if someone is an opposition to that, we especially kick into reaction mode. Learning to pull that back in and say, how could I respond? I can still speak, I can still speak truth, but I can go back to kindness. I can go back to being a person who really listens and cares and that moves you into being a responsive person. It’s one of the key elements of someone who is wise. They listen and they’re tender and they’re quiet and that comes from being responsive.

Lois                     

I totally agree. It’s like at the core, this seems to be at the core, and it’s one of the reasons that you hear Faith and I talk so much about breathing because when you take that moment to pause, when something is going on that’s very difficult and you take this breath in and then you breathe out, the opportunity to respond is there instead of to react. Because react – reactions happen when you see a car coming and you have to slam on the brake. There’s no time to breathe. You have to react. So those are the moments that are okay. The problem for me, for much of my life is I took that same stopping and putting on the brakes with anything that would come in my way, I would just react. And so there’s nothing there. There’s no wisdom. That’s just literally a physical response and reaction. And yet I was doing it in personal relationships and it doesn’t work.

Faith                    

It does not work. That’s not where it’s meant to be played out. And so a great opportunity to develop just the elements and the foundational pieces of wisdom is to wait. To take a breath. To pause and then to respond.

Lois                       

I love that. Another way is to accept others for who they are and yourself as well.

Faith                   

And that can be hard. It can be hard. A good example is when those person who is hard to deal with, there’s a good friend of mine who has said that they’re grace growers. I have a grace grower in life, but that is so much more kind than saying, I have this miserable person in my life. They’re developing something in you. And that’s another way to look at, um, how to just be able to accept yourself, accept others even when they’re difficult. It’s like, what am I learning? What am I gaining from this? And how can I offer something good in return for that?

Lois                       

That’s why it’s so important to find ways to accept yourself and then when you get frustrated, because if in those days when I was so hyper critical of myself and I wanted these changes and I was never satisfied, well, I took that same level of criticism to anyone who I would come in contact with. Well, you’re doing what I’m doing, so I need to be just as pissed off at you as I am at myself and it doesn’t work. And especially in someone else. So the more grace that I gave myself, the more grace I was able to give other people around me.

Faith                 

That’s so true and we’re so hard on ourselves and if we’re hard on ourselves we’re going to be hard on others. So it’s a really good place to start. Start being kinder and more gentler to yourself and give yourself grace in some patients. And that can go a long way.

Lois                      

And the next time you find yourself upfront with one of these grace growers that you have in your life that just is angry about certain things or does things a certain way that you know could be done better. I have come to this place where I say that’s just how they do it. And if that’s how they do it, I need to step aside and let them figure out how they’re going to do it and let them be who they are. Even if it means a type of implosion because then they’ll realize that isn’t the best way to work it out. But when they realize it and they change it, voila.

Faith                  

I know, right? And another one is to listen more and talk less because oh my goodness, we can be so quick to have a conversation and to let everybody know what we know. And yet there’s so much empowerment and a gentleness of an atmosphere that you can create by just going silent and listening. And if there is silence at hangs in the room, let it be there. Because oftentimes just letting that quiet be there, will bring up something deeper, not only just in you but in the other person. So it’s learning to be still and to listen, to have that ear.

Lois                       

One of the disciplines that I’m trying to have in my life is to not top someone else’s story because this is so common. You know, we, we love to have similarities with other people. So we’ll be sitting there listening and you’re just waiting for them to stop. So you can tell them when you did what they just shared in a different way. Not necessarily better, but just different. But I’ve learned now that I’m holding back and not even sharing those stories, which initially was really hard, but this discipline of this isn’t about if they’re sharing a story, it’s about what they want to share, not what I need to say as well, in that vein. Then later, if someone says, well Lois, didn’t you go through something like that? Well, yes, would you like to hear about it? And then suddenly it’s not an interruption because that’s what happens when we share our better or different story is we are interrupting a thought that someone is giving us.

Faith                  

That makes so much sense.

Lois                       

Another way to deal with wisdom and to practice it more thoroughly is to practice empathy, and this is something that happens on a regular basis for me now where I’m really trying to put myself in someone else’s shoes, especially as we’re saying, don’t try to change people and accepting people for who they are. When I can actually see where they’re coming from, even if I have absolutely no agreement level or I wouldn’t do it that way, but if I’m empathetic with why they’re doing it or how they’re doing it, it changes the whole outcome for me, Faith.

Faith                  

It changes that dramatically because you find more that peace within yourself. When you can do this of when you have empathy, your focus has shifted. It’s not about the tension that could be there because you disagree or you want to get your point across or whatever it might be. There’s, when you move into empathy, then you’re moving into a place of caring and connecting to the other person. You see them for who they are. They’re real, they’re real, live human being, and that takes you to another place of comprehending that the purpose and the meaning of this experience is far greater than the issue.

Lois                       

So all of these elements that we’ve shared with you, if even a few of them start to crop up in your life, you will feel this wisdom that we’re describing because these are from sages. These are from people that we’ve been mentored by. These are people that we’ve observed. They practice all of these or many of these all at once. If I can even just get one down really well, that feels like some wisdom is coming through.and then tomorrow I’ll blow it and have to come back to this practice again because that’s what this all is, isn’t it Faith? I mean it’s, it’s a practice of being wise.

Faith                  

Yeah. You’re changing everything from the way that you have done life into thinking, perceiving, seeing it completely different.

Lois                       

And as we’ve been mentioning throughout this whole podcast, and we do it so regularly, it’s all about the journey. So it’s a journey toward being wise. It doesn’t mean we arrive, but this journey is so exciting to be on.

Faith                  

Taking on even a few of these areas as daily practices will add to your wisdom to your life.

Lois                       

When you begin acting wisely, even when you don’t always feel like it, your journey can teach you. It’s the beginning of wisdom.

Faith                  

We hope you’ll check out our social media and follow us and share this podcast.

Lois                       

And join us next week for Transition: The Impact of Disillusionment.

Faith                  

Get the latest news on our social media platforms and on our website, and please subscribe.

Lois                       

More to Life with Faith and Lois is a podcast to support, encourage and uplift you.

Faith                  

As you transition through all sorts of change, we want you to know there is more to life.

Lois                       

We’ll be back next week.