Note: More to Life with Faith and Lois is designed to be heard, not read. We hope you’ll listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that won’t be on this page. Our transcripts are generated with speech recognition software and may contain errors. 

Lois

Welcome to the podcast, More to Life with Faith and Lois.

Faith 

I’m Faith

Lois

And I’m Lois.

Faith

Our podcast explores life’s many transitions that inspire and daunt us.

Lois

Hi Faith. Great to be with you.

Faith

Hi Lois, it is really good, especially when it’s so chilly. It’s nice and warm in here today.

Lois

Oh I know. It is nice to be inside and you know from last week’s podcast on scarcity, we are hoping that many of you and us had a chance to reflect on where we are enough, where you are enough. And I knew I had to check in with my thoughts because it really resonated with what you’d said about comparing ourselves to others when it comes to scarcity. And it was helpful to remind myself that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Faith

We all are. We just sometimes forget that and you know where we’re headed is where we personally are headed in life and we don’t need to compare that to anyone else.

Lois

And that kind of takes the sting out of scarcity. So if you didn’t get a chance to listen to that podcast, by the way, go back, go to our website, go to any of the platforms you listen on and you can find episode 98 and wherever you’re listening to us right now, we’d love it if you would let us know what you think. Drop a comment here and there in our social media on our website and we will make sure to get back with you or you can sign up for our newsletter, which is on our website www.moretolifewithfaithandlois.com. Remember we’ve got some really cool pictures on there and you can sign up to get our podcast right in your email. So while all of our podcasts can be listened to all year round, we are approaching the holiday season. So we do always take a few moments while we’re doing our podcast to kind of focus on what’s going on in your life right now. So Episode 99 Transition: The Impact of your Upcoming Holidays.

Faith

Oh isn’t exciting. I get excited about it and the holiday season brings a lot of joy, but it also brings a lot of anticipation and a little bit of anxiety can begin to creep in. Right? Yep. It’s that time of year where it’s a combination of so many different emotions. For me it’s always like, okay, I need to start making my list, not for me but for everybody else because I have a list of people that I always like to bless over the holidays and so I need to start making my plan.

Lois

So you do that early then?

Faith

I do, yeah. If I don’t, then I’m into the major stretch at the end and I don’t like that. So I, I like to get my shopping done. I like to get things prepared way ahead of time.

Lois

So I love how you mentioned also the roller coaster of what holidays look like because that’s what we’re going to cover today cause it’s never all bad or all good. It’s like all mixed up in there and neither is bad or good. It’s just what it is.

Faith

It totally is. And there’s nothing we can really do about that because it is an intense period of time and intensity, uh, with time and with the, you know, those days clicking off and all the different things that are going on during this season, it creates it. It’s not that we’re off, it’s just, it’s an intense period of time. So we have to be prepared for that.

Lois

And when I look at the holidays, I know that in the last few years I have really kind of taken in what’s happened, the breadth and the depth of my parents passing and especially my mom in 2017. So I know it impacted the last couple of holidays that I had because there was a bittersweet element and I would think, what would she be doing? Well now I’m so used to having her around in a different way that she just seems her presence seems to be so much more evident to me that I’m looking forward to all of this to just kind of sharing it instead of having those moments of teariness with it. And so I think I really look forward to taking out the linens and and ironing that ahead of time. I know that is really kind of crazy, but, but I do it because I think of my mom and the dangerous tablecloths and how she would like that and those are positive experiences and I know we’re early, I get that everybody, but I’ve started to do things like that just like you’re describing so that I’ll be ready for this season without the heaviness of did I get those things done and I think of my mom in a positive way through it where I know in the last few years it was a little more tender for me.

Faith

You said something really a really good to take in is when you can expand the period of time of where you reflect on what each thing that you’re doing and the meaning behind it. Well now you’ve added to the season rather than taking away from it, you move it into, I think more the elegance and more of the sacredness of what the holidays mean to you through family tradition, all those kinds of things. They come more to life when you take the time to enjoy them.

Lois

Oh I love that. And doing one thing at a time, we talked so much about, you know, try to eliminate multitasking even at the holidays, do one thing, appreciate it, put it down and then go to the next and so on. So having talked about excitement, we certainly are aware that the holidays don’t bring joy to everyone and this can also be a very somber time and a difficult time. So we’re aware that there are emotions that are going to hit you all over the map. And so we thought we would address a lot of emotions here so that you can pick and choose which one affects you the most and how to deal with each one.

Faith

I think it’s great. Let’s get going.

Lois

Let’s get going. So first you might feel scared.

Faith

For sure. Especially when you forgot to get that gift and you’re going to the party and you need a hostess gift. And I’m like, Oh, what can I get? What can I – is Walgreen’s open? Anything, you know, those are the kind of anxiety moments. The on expected, the forgotten. So take a deep breath and just go. You’ve got this. As you always say, Lois, you’ve got this no matter what the situation there is an answer. And I think that’s where we get most afraid. We aren’t going to be able to resolve something. The truth is, of course we are right, we can resolve anything that Turkey, exactly, whatever it might be, we can take care of it. And that’s why the Butterball has a 24 hour hotline and I have used it in the past. Those are the kinds of things that there’s help. You can get through it. You’ve got this.

Lois

And that’s also why I spatchcock my Turkey. Now you all think I’m crazy. I know it takes a little extra time at the beginning, but I flatten that darn thing out and guess what? It cooks in 90 minutes and it tastes really good. So I’m just, if you want my recipe, just ask me for it. But you know, we are worried that we’re going to make a mistake that we’re going to let people down. But sometimes those mistakes can be the funniest part that come back that we can laugh about year after year had we not had that, it wouldn’t be such a lively event.

Faith

One of the funniest thisgs was my mom asked one time, anybody wants seconds on Turkey? And everybody said we haven’t had firsts. She’s very glad to bring it out. We’d eat the whole meal. Oh we forgot to bring it out. Really?

Lois

So everybody had just straight up Turkey for seconds. That was great. But those are funny things you do remember. So if you’re scared, what can you do about the feeling? So if there’s a dish that you haven’t made before, say you’re going, you’re an invited guest and somebody asks you to bring a certain kind of relish or beans or something that you’ve never done before. Practice, you’ve got time now and that’s a really good thing. Or do it. Faith was suggesting earlier. Get your list ready for any gifts or blessings that you want to offer people and do it ahead of time. I know it seems like, do I have to add one more thing to my list? But when you start checking some of these things off, your level of fear begins to get diminished.

Faith

Oh, without a doubt. I love the list because when you see it crossed off, you know you’ve done it, it’s encouraging and it gives you momentum.

Lois

And go online. I make new dishes every year for the fun of it. I look up like, what’s the best Thanksgiving new thing I can try? And so nobody’s tried it. Just remember that. So they don’t know if it looks exactly like it’s supposed to just put a lot of butter in it. That’s always effective. So we’ve gone from feeling scared. The other feeling you might have at this moment, because you did what Faith suggested is you feel confident.

Faith

Yes. On the confidence level. When that hits, well now the momentum picks up and now you’re eager to try and to step into something different and to begin to enjoy what you’re doing. And that’s why that confidence is so important to it. Here’s a good thing, I just thought of this as the fact that everyone is so different and it’s so important to just to stop and ask yourself what will work for me? How can I best do what is in front of me? I don’t think we take enough time to stop and ask that we tend to get overwhelmed, especially for all the things on TV that tell you to make a beautiful whatever for the holidays. Right. And you have to do it your way. So find your way and stick to it.

Lois

You know, when I brought up the linens before, the reason I pressed those is because that’s the only time of year I will use them and they belonged to my mother and my grandmother. And so when I put those out, I’m reminded of kind of a historical longevity and I’m watching it just sitting in front of me. So for somebody else, they may say, I would never want to do linens and I got you, but for me that means a great deal. So I will take that extra time to put it out there and then I’ll have this level of confidence when I have ironed them, which I haven’t yet and I and hanging them and having them ready to go, which puts me in this great frame of mind. And one of the things you can do, because you’re going to go up and down in your moods, we promise you, is celebrate that feeling of confidence that you have in this moment. Because you know we are so quick to judge those elements that we don’t do well, that we forget to say, Oh wow, you really finished that and you got your list together. Woo. Have some Apple cider.

Faith

Celebrate yourself and all your accomplishments. Because it is, it’s an investment. It’s an investment of time and energy, but it’s all with a purpose. And so keep in mind as you’re going through this to build your confidence. What is my reason for doing what I’m doing? Hmm.

Lois

I love it – I love it. Please that because it’s so much fun. You know? So we’re on Episode 99. Transition: the impact of your upcoming holidays. And now we get back to our stress building up. You feel it kind of bubbling up inside you Faith, you know what I’m talking about?

Faith

Oh yes. Because it’s going to happen. The pressure begins to mount. You’ve got 20 people coming, you know, and the doorbell starts ringing. There’s always that little flip flop in your stomach, no matter how well prepared you are. So it’s okay. Just take a deep breath and go again. I’ve got this and I’ve got help and it’s all gonna work out fine. And when that anxiety hit again, it usually is about performance. As you mentioned before, you don’t want to fail. And so it’s a fear that it’s not going to be great. And we don’t also calculate the fact that some of the anxiety can be families coming.

Lois

Well, and that could be a big piece. Say you know that Jill and John don’t like each other and they’re going to be at this dinner and you feel responsible for making sure that they sit apart from each other and that there’s no interaction that will spoil. And at some point we have to actually accept. It’s not our responsibility to make them feel good. And I think that’s the hardest part with family because we don’t want to exclude, but we do know that certain, you know, it’s like oil and vinegar. So what do you do in those situations? How do you sit back and really own just that they are adults or human beings at a sort of a certain age and they will have to figure out how to get along or not is really their issue.

Faith

I think if it becomes too distracting at the table, which you know, there’s been many episodes who, families where the table has had moved into July 4th fireworks rather than the Thanksgiving dinner. But if you’re the host or hostess, I think it’s important then to redirect and just say, you know, that discussion can be between the two of you, but let’s stay united in what we can all agree on at the table.

Lois

Right? And just so remember that so little is in your control, right? And especially when it comes to a dinner, there are so many moving parts and so enjoy what you can and respond in with as much kindness as you can muster during that time and know that it’s not about you. The dinner is going to go off and at the end of the day what they are going to remember is how they felt and how you made them feel through that. So we do have a sponsor for our podcast that we’d love to share with you, Affordable Aesthetics. And if you’re considering a way to look and feel healthier right now, we want to introduce you to our friend Anna Twerskoi at Affordable Aesthetics.

Faith

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Lois

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Faith

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Lois

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Faith

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Lois

So in Episode 99: the impact of your upcoming holidays, the next feeling you’re going to go through is a feeling of excitement. You know, maybe you’ve got a family member like we do coming from out of town and we’re just so excited that they’re going to be here as a part of the whole celebration.

Faith

I know and so enjoy that because those are treasured moments of when you have a special guest or family member coming in from out of town. Enjoy the thrill of the uniqueness of what is happening in that moment.

Lois

And the excitement is you are talking about as you start thinking of your list of how am I going to bless and honor people who are coming if it’s not Thanksgiving, if you’re thinking ahead to the holidays and what gifts you’re preparing, that is a beautiful time to think about the individual and what they mean to you.

Faith

Oh, that’s so true. Yeah.

Lois

Make it special and make it exciting. So, and how do you celebrate this feeling? Well, be happy that you are experiencing this kind of joy.

Faith

I know, right? Because it’s something that comes around in a very unique way through the holidays. There’s a unique excitement and experience and memories that are being made. So treasure them because you’re going to remember them down the road and they carry a kind of a lifelong event in your life. So don’t just go through it and get through the motions. Treasure each stage of it.

Lois

And you were saying this earlier, you know, and, and if you think of that individual person and what they bring into your life in that moment, that also can drum up some huge excitement as you get to spend time with them. That’s really fun.

Faith

And be grateful. This is the time where you reflect and take in, where’s my gratitude? What am I grateful for? And to look around you and to see the people and the gathering and how have they impacted your life. Be reflective and let that reflection take you deeper into the depths of your gratitude and thankfulness about the fact that you have them. Imagine if you didn’t, what would be missing in your life?

Lois

And if this is a time of loss, if you don’t have someone in your life who was just there a few weeks ago or a few months ago, and this is your first Thanksgiving or holiday season without them, find ways to celebrate their life and what they brought to your gathering. And maybe even in the midst of your pain, a humorous story like the one you shared about your mom. I mean something like that too, to bring up so that you’re not saying we can’t talk about this and we’re not going to, but bring it around so they’re actually even part of the celebration. And I think that is, that has been very powerful for me as I have moved through some issues of loss, but we have been able to reconnect in our family and friends by not being silent about the name of somebody we really cared about.

Faith

Yes, there’s so much to enjoy. Prepare it, get ready for it, and be ready to step into the celebration into whatever capacity you possibly can. Our circumstances change every single year and we never know how we’re going to step into it, but there’s always a reason. There’s always a hallmark of light and joy and hope that is set before us. If we just need to look for that and enjoy it.

Lois

And this is the holiday season, so there’s no question you’re going to have an emotional ride. We can promise that to you. We just hope that some of the ways that we meandered through this roller coaster will be some that you will be able to take to heart when you’re feeling really low and when you’re feeling really high, happy Thanksgiving.

Faith

Whatever emotion comes up for you as you look ahead to the holidays and embrace each one and feel what it has to offer.

Lois

Do your best to calm yourself by preparing what you can, asking for help and remembering the things don’t have to be perfect.

Faith

Please share this podcast with someone and enjoy your holidays.

Lois

And join us next week for transition, the impact of living with integrity.

Faith

Get the latest news on our social media platforms and on our website, and please subscribe.

Lois

More to Life with Faith and Lois is a podcast to support, encourage and uplift you.

Faith

As you transition through all sorts of change, we want you to know there is more to life.

Lois

We’ll be back next week.