Note: More to Life with Faith and Lois is designed to be heard, not read. We hope you’ll listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that won’t be on this page. Our transcripts are generated with speech recognition software and may contain errors. 

Lois                        

Welcome to the podcast, More to Life with Faith and Lois.

Faith                   

I’m Faith

Lois                          

And I’m Lois.

Faith                      

Our podcast explores life’s many transitions that inspire and daunt us.

Lois 

Faith as always. Excellent to be together.

Faith

It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

Lois 

And every neighborhood. We hope it’s a good day in your neighborhood as well. Yes. So as we continue to explore transitions of any sort, I was very intrigued about our conversation last week about gossip faith. I found that when I started to change the subject with a few people that would bring something up, there was so much dead air silence because when I decided that I wasn’t going to be the recipient or even just the receiving end of hearing about somebody else, it was like, well what are we going to talk about? And that was fascinating. So it’s uncomfortable, but it’s okay to be uncomfortable. Gossip is never a great thing. So I just encourage you that if you get that little space of like feeling a little squiggly, as long as you’re not like trying to be self righteous and put somebody down, but you just kind of step out, there’s nothing to bounce that off.

Faith

That’s true.

Lois

So then hey, let’s talk about something else like like the weather, which I love to talk about all the time by the way, and we would love to hear what you think about our podcasts and if you would like to share this podcast when you’re done listening or one of our past ones with anyone, we would love for you to do that. And on any platform they want to listen to, they can just look up More to Life with Faith and Lois. And you can also sign up for our weekly newsletter, which comes out every weekend. It’s on our website www.moretolifewithfaithandlois.com. That’s where you register for it. And then we’ll send you something. And what we send you by the way, is our podcast and just any information about us and what we’re doing. The next time we’re going to do a Facebook live, which we don’t have a schedule yet, but you will find out first if you are getting that newsletter. So our goal and our podcast is to remind you that you’re not alone and this is really critical as we dive into Episode 92. Transition: The Impact of Taking Risks.

Faith

Okay, here we go. Yeah, you’re not alone, you’re not alone.

Lois

And so we want to let you know that we do risky business all over the place. Faith Donaldson and Lois Melkonian. What? What comes up for you Faith, when you think of being a risk taker.

Faith

There is a surge of excitement for one thing. If it’s something that I’m really interested in and then followed up by absolute total terror like, oh my gosh, what am I doing? What were you thinking? And so that’s pretty much kind of the elements of what a risk is. Oh, I really want to jump out of that plane. That sounds so exciting. Oh, I’m on the edge of jumping out of this plane. I’m terrified. Okay. So there’s kind of a hand in glove type thing and that goes together when you’re taking a risk. But oh my goodness, what we’re going to talk about here today is how to press through that terror piece. So that you can know the joys of taking a risk.

Lois

And one of the ways some of us press through that is by taking what we deem to be, at least in our own minds, calculated risks. And so I probably take more risks than I should, but I’m not taking a risk by, you know, I, I stopped mountain biking because I don’t want to break my collarbone again. So certain risks, I don’t take any more, but I will ride on a road bike. But I do it by taking a calculated risk and not going on a road that has a teeny tiny shoulder where I could be hit by another vehicle. So I take a calculated risk because for me it’s worth what I’m going to put into it. Like you just said, there’s that level of excitement. And I think, you know, when we started this podcast, there was a level of risk. We took and the risk for me, and I’m not sure where you sit on this, but it was like how’s it going to be received? Are People going to think I’m stupid? Are people going to think the two of us together don’t work? Are people gonna what? And everything I realized that I feared about the risk was what other people thought and not about what we were actually doing. And so once we dove into what we were actually doing, then I got to the place where I’m really glad you’re listening, but I don’t really care what all these phantom people that I had put out there would think or say into this process of what we’re doing. So for me, that’s what risk is about. When I calculate it, I look at it and then I become more confident because a lot of our risk is we’re not sure we can really do that thing. And how do you get to that place where you feel more comfortable doing that thing? Whatever it is.

Faith

That’s right. And it takes practice. It takes the stepping into it for the first time and then doing it again and again, and then pretty soon it becomes more natural. And which is exactly what happened with the podcast.

Lois

I know. And now it doesn’t feel risky. Oh, I can’t wait for these times where we sit down and get to record together. It’s just, it’s really beautiful and really fun. So when you explore people who do take risks, those who thrive and seem to be making it through those risks don’t, um, they’re not taking these crazy thoughtless risks. They are actually looking and going, you know, this could result in this and I might have to give up some of this or lack of comfort here or have a discipline like you were saying because you become more and more practiced at it. So I’ve got to give up something to get there. And that’s why it’s worth it.

Faith

And absolutely true. And that, and it’s the change factor too. You’re doing something you haven’t done and change always hold some level of risk. And we are people of just, you know, nature of what we do over and over and over again. It’s what’s familiar. And so when we move from the familiar into that, which is not so familiar, that’s a risk. And sometimes it’s a move. Sometimes it’s just changing jobs. It’s a risk. I mean you feel all those things, excitement and terror, excitement and terror and yeah, but that’s life.

Lois

It is life. And you know, one of the first things that I do as I’m approaching terror and excitement is I really started making a list of pros and cons. That’s excellent. If I’m looking at something that I know is out of my wheelhouse and I want to try it still, I will go through a list of, okay, these are the reasons I want to do it and what I can achieve and here is what could happen when I do this. And then I weigh them and on which side do I land. And that’s really fair because that’s how you calculate whether this risk is worth the outcome.

Faith

That’s really good. And you find the ways of getting some support with that risk too. Sometimes we need that. You know, I’ll give you a good example. We’re in high bear season right now. Okay. Cause they’re all getting ready to go into their little dens and go to sleep for a little while. But they’re all coming after the bird fetus right now. So when we have to bring in the hummingbird feeders at night, I’ll say to my husband, Hey David, uh, would you like to come in with, can we just go out and get the bird feeders? And he’s so sweet. He goes, yes, absolutely. Now is there a bear there? Right at that moment? No, but I can’t see everything. So I kind of like having that just a little extra support. And so I’m still taking that risk, but I’m doing it with the way of a little support right now.

Lois

That is awesome. So we believe, both Faith in myself, in Episode 92 Transition, the impact of taking risks – we actually believe in taking risks, which is why we want to share this with you and give you some tools that might empower you to take that risk. And by the way, when we say taking risks, we’re not talking about that huge thing you’ve been looking at for five years. It might be, but it could also be a very little step that for you is a big risk. But that will change the way you focus on life. And so we want to look at risks from all that factors. But the reason we’re even talking about this is because we believe that taking risks will be a positive outcome for you in your life.

Faith

Oh, absolutely. It makes life exciting.

Lois

It does. It does. So what happens when you take risks? Well, first thing is you push yourself beyond your limit.

Faith

And boy, that’s the whole thing about expanding your limitations. Because we set our limitations, we set them all the time of I can or I can’t do this. And there are some things that we shouldn’t necessarily do. It’s like, for instance, I do have a fear of heights and that we now know that’s neurological more than it is just fear. It’s like how your brain perceives the height and anticipates what could happen then. Whereas my daughter is fearless and can go right to the edge. When we were in Ireland, she went to, oh my goodness, I get – I it feel right now. She goes to the edge of of of the cliffs and I’m going, okay, don’t look, just don’t look, don’t look. And because she’s fearless, I mean it’s like, and it’s not fearless than I’m fearless. It’s the brain. The brain is perceiving it differently. So I think there’s a way of, of knowing of what is really happening with me is this wise, is this a part of my makeup? That’s part of how my brain works. And then the other thing is, is that most situations for risk-taking though don’t involve that. Most of them is really about stretching your limits and saying, I’m going to do more than I thought I could.

Lois

You know, you’ve probably heard that quote that says you Miss 99% of the shots you don’t take. Actually it should be 100% right? You miss them all. If you don’t take them, you’re just not going to make them. And Mark Zuckerberg says something a little bit similar to this. Mark Zuckerberg, of course, the founder of Facebook says, the only strategy guaranteed to fail is not taking risks. In other words, if you don’t ever take a risk, you are going to pass up every opportunity in favor of stability. Stability is not a bad thing, but if you’re looking to go to that next step, there is only one way to get there. Up. And that requires climbing, sometimes jumping, sometimes doing whatever it needs to get to that next level. And so we’re not like saying throw you out to something totally scary, but the idea that if you don’t do that, you will stay where you are, which may not be a bad place. Maybe for you right now, that’s a very good place, but the risk factor is stepping out into that which is unknown, right?

Faith

One quick thing as a therapist, if you find in your life that taking those risks is an ongoing factor, seek some help about that because there could be a root cause to that. Something that happened that maybe a long time ago and it got established and if that’s not resolved, it is going to keep playing out. So if you find that this is kind of a historical fact for you, that you avoid risks at all costs or many of them then seek some professional help because you can work through this.

Lois

That’s excellent. And see what the root of that is. Yes, yes. We talk a lot about dreams. In fact, a few weeks ago we had a podcast on the importance of our dreams and one of the reasons we love risk is because if you have a dream, there needs to be that next step of being able to act on it. We’ve been talking about what it would look like to write a book. Well, if we want to envision that and writing the book, the thing we have to do is actually take action on it. And so that is risky because then it puts us in the middle of, okay, here we go. So that’s part of the dream. And when we encourage people to have a vision, to maybe put it on a board, to maybe speak it, whatever envisioning something looks like to you, the step that goes hand in hand with that involves acting on it and the acting on it part is what the risk involves.

Faith

If you really want it, then you do have to go after it and you have to envision it and dream it and then claim it. So another thing is you stop playing it safe and enjoy every step along the way.

Lois

Yes. Well isn’t that fun?

Faith

I know that’s flipping it.

Lois

Yes. Well, I mean if you look at it, we don’t take risks and until we’re ready for a shift. And so I think one of the things that we’re always afraid of is what if this happens? What if this happens? Well, if I’m ready, if I’m ready for a change, then that means I’m actually ready to see what this might look like. That’s a different frame of mind. And a lot of times it’s our frame of mind that keeps us from taking these risks, so if you are ready for a shift and you say it, maybe making that change is going to allow you to step into this and start enjoying what those steps look like.

Faith

Exactly. We give the mind an awful lot of power to imagine all the things that could go wrong and get the opposite is like in the dreaming and everything is that if you can imagine it that I could go right? Yes. It can help you take those steps in a risk with more confidence.

Lois

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Faith

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Lois

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Faith

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Lois

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Faith

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Lois

Feel better today by calling (303) 669–0880 for a free consultation or go online to affordableaesthetics.net. You know, you get new opportunities you didn’t expect when you decide to take a risk, you get opportunities that may never ever have been there. It’s interesting because when I think back to how we got going with all of this with our podcast Faith, had we not stepped into this and got into it as deeply as we did for over a year. During that time was when I realized, well, I want to coach and I was interested in life coaching and I was dabbling in it, but I wouldn’t have taken it seriously and taken my coursework and become certified if it hadn’t been for the risk of the podcast. So this podcast stepping into this, opened the doors for another risk to take in coaching, which will open the door to who knows what else. but we will never know if we don’t take that first step.

Faith

Oh, that’s so good. And it’s so right. I mean at one risk will always open up another door. And if we can think of it that way is that we gain confidence when we do the thing that seems insurmountable in the moment.

Lois

You know, when you think of your son or daughter maybe attending college and they get an internship with a job that they never anticipated, and what am I going to do and how’s this ever going to work out? But because they get into this internship, they either realize this is something I really want to do. And without that opportunity, they never would’ve gone to the next step. Or they realize, oh no, no, no, I don’t need to do this at all. But they didn’t jump into a whole career. They took one opportunity and it either is going to lead to this area or there’s going to be a ‘y’ in the road and you’re going to go to the next level. But that’s part of what risk is about. It offers you opportunities to then make a choice while you’ve taken this first step.

Faith

That’s really good. You stand out. Let’s face it. We watch people who are going against the grain speaking their truth, living their lives. Why? We’re used to being comfortable there. We can’t believe that someone willing to venture out there is doing it and loving life. Oh, we love our comforts. We love the familiar, we love the thing that we know we have control over. And so one of the key factors about taking the risk is we are relinquishing control by stepping into the unknown. And that is scary. That is super scary because we do not know what’s going to happen. We don’t know what the outcome’s going to be or what people are going to say. Like you mentioned, there’s so many different factors that are out there that we have no control over. When we take a risk.

Lois

A few weeks ago I was watching the u s open and so one of the things you notice when people play like this, everything they’re doing is out there for all of us to see if they get an injury, whether they decide to stop, play or play through it. They’re out there for all of us to see and it’s live. When you’re watching football, which isn’t football season now when you’re watching basketball or Lacrosse or hockey, whatever you’re watching, everything is out there for all of us to observe. And so many of us love sports because it’s live and it’s happening. But what we do watch, not just the winners, the people who stand out to me are the ones who are taking the risk to keep playing through it even when it’s not going their way and even when they know that the outcome is not going to be what they want. Those are the people that impress me, so when I take risks, I’m looking at, well, that person stands out because they didn’t give up. Right. They kept going through it. I don’t know if you saw the match with Roger Federer. The guy was in such pain. He took a big break and he lost, but he kept playing as a result of that. My respect for him when way up because he took a risk to stay on the court even though he knew he wasn’t feeling up to par.

Faith

Yeah. There’s admiration that can be established. It’s not in about the success. It’s about what do you do with the risk that you’ve been handed? You stay in it or do you run from it? Do you take it on as a challenge or do you throw in the towel? I mean, that’s so good, Lois.

Lois

We watch people, right, who are going through illness or going through a difficulty in their life. Two people can be suffering a similar malady and you watch how one person responds and how the other person responds. Granted it can have everything to do with your background and all of those things. We know no two people are alike, but the people that stand out to me are the ones that at least are moving forward and trying something new, trying something different. And I’ve always modeled my life and I’ve looked at those kinds of people that even if I’m not going to be exactly like them, I want to watch that because failure means so little when I watch that because they’re trying. Even if you don’t get what you exactly hope for when you’re taking that risk, you’re out there. Right? You’re, you’re living life. And that’s, I really love them.

Faith

Me Too. I love a lot. And so what are some of the other things?

Lois

You overcome what you fear most.

Faith

That’s right. That’s right. And so if you by facing it, and I’ve got a good example, I have someone that I know that recently moved to Colorado and there’s some in trepidation about moving and getting acquainted with the area. And she’s not used to traveling in strange places, but I was chatting with her a little bit yesterday and she said, you’ll never guess what I did. Oh, what’d you do? Shit, I got in the car and I went, I am going into the nearest town and I’m going to figure out how these roads work. And she got in the car and she did it herself. She said, I was scared because I was like, I could get lost. And even though she has a gps, but still there’s that feeling that rises up and can I do it and do I know the roads and, and she did it and she figured out this location. She went to it, she accomplished it. She said, I did it, I did it. And so sometimes we think risks are these big huge things like jumping out of a plane or doing something that is really dangerous. No, they can be the small things too. That to us, again, that’s not a big deal, but to somebody else, it’s a major deal. Huge deal. And so whatever it is for you, those are the things that you, you take and you try and step into it.

Lois

You know, one of the questions that you and I use a lot and we’ve done it in our workshops, is asking people what’s the worst that can happen? And sometimes writing that out and going, okay, the worst that could happen is that I could be embarrassed because someone else gets the job. You know? Like maybe I didn’t put myself up for a promotion at work because Oh no, what if I don’t get it? Well, okay, well you can go for the next promotion. You know? I mean if you constantly ask yourself that question as it relates to taking calculated risks, you begin to see that so much of the fear has to do with what others are going to say about you versus what you can actually do. And sometimes we don’t make it. I mean, we take a bar exam and our scores don’t match up. Well, then I think I was supposed to learn something there like I didn’t study enough.

Faith

Or you take it again. There you go. Or you take it the third time. I mean, you do what you need to do to still reach the goal. You don’t give up.

Lois

You don’t give up because you say, what’s the worst that can happen? Well, I could fail and then I could take it again. Exactly. And so we encourage you as you’re looking at risks to maybe bring down the level of energy that we put into it, that we’re so frightened because we’ve made it far bigger than it needs to be.

Faith

I sometimes we’ll play a fill in the blank with my clients and I go, so whatever you’re believing, if you do this blank will happen. And so fill in the blank. And that’s where they start coming up with the things that are fearful, the things that are holding them back. So it’s a good question to ask like, I don’t really want to do this because blank will happen. Okay, what is the blank?

Lois

And then you’ll hear Faith same. So what? It’s one of our favorite lines in it. I think of it so often when I’m in a situation where I’m, do I want to take that risk? Do I not want to say something? Do I want to? What’s the worst that can happen? So the other day that actually happened, I’m in a grocery store and I see two people who are out of context. They’re not where I would normally see them and I’ve never seen them at this grocery store. And as you know, I’ve mentioned several times here how much I love gardening. And I know that this woman is a supervisor at one of the stores I love more than anything else in this town. And so I’d seen her in the store and I didn’t say anything cause I was too nervous. And then at the checkout line, she’s in front of me. I’m thinking, man, this is weird. So then I said again, said nothing. So we walk out to our cars and we’re parked right next to each other. So I finally said, okay, I’m just going to do this. So I went up and I said, I can’t believe this. It’s out of context, but I’m seeing you and I normally see you at this place. And she looked at me and she said, Oh, and didn’t respond. Not positively, not negatively, just neutral. And I thought to myself, well that is the worst that could happen – and the worst just happened and I didn’t die. But I took a risk of trying to engage and she clearly didn’t want engagement. And that’s totally fine. There’s nothing, there’s no good or bad to that. But it was great for me to take that risk because I did recognize her and I do love seeing her in the store. And the next time I go to the gardening store, I’m going to greet her again and say, oh, so when are you going to be back at Safeway? And so anyway, so just so you know, it doesn’t always turn out and Faith would have said to me in that moment – so – and the issue?

Faith

So here’s another one though. Risk takers are happy. Yes. Isn’t that cool?

Lois

It is cool. I mean there are really a number of studies. If you want to Google this, we’re not saying go do it just to do it, but there’s something about seeing a challenge, embracing it and moving through it. That puts you in a different plane of confidence that comes into your being.

Faith

I think like that gal that I talked about yesterday when she got in the car and took on the roads, she, her voice was joyful, excited because she did it. It’s like an accomplishments of victory. You’ve conquered the mountain, so whether they’re small things or large things, and when you conquer as something, when you overcome joy rises up. That’s why they sing. We will, we will rock you in the stadium. So it’s your song in that moment is that you’ve rocked it. You killed it, you did it.

Lois

Yes. We gained this experience. Yes. And this adventure. So the next time we’re faced with that, even if our outcome didn’t turn out exactly the same way, we’ll refine it a bit. We’ll study more. I’ll find another thing to say to a person that might not want to talk to me and maybe it won’t work, but that’s okay. I don’t lose anything. I get to be true to myself and I learned something.

Faith

Little cool on that. Next time you run into somebody like that, that does, oh, just make it about them and to say, I just want you to know I really appreciate everything that you do.

Lois

Yeah, okay.

Faith

And now and now you’ve, you’ve given them a blessing and they will usually respond to that.

Lois

Yeah, exactly. Farewell until we see each other again. So go for it. I will as well.

Faith

If you’re considering a new venture or taking a risk, weigh your options, look at the pros and cons, and look at what your dreams offer you.

Lois

Ask yourself what’s the worst that can happen? And if you can face that fear and step into it, we can’t wait to see what happens.

Faith

Please share this podcast with someone who’s wondering whether they should take a calculated risk.

Lois

And join us next week for Transition: The impact of Laughter.

Faith

Get the latest news on our social media platforms and on our website and please subscribe.

Lois

More to Life with Faith and Lois is a podcast to support, encourage and uplift you.

Faith

As you transition through all sorts of change we want you to know there is more to life.

Lois

We’ll be back next week.