Note: More to Life with Faith and Lois is designed to be heard, not read. We hope you’ll listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that won’t be on this page. Our transcripts are generated with speech recognition software and may contain errors. 

 

Lois                        

Welcome to the podcast, More to Life with Faith and Lois.

Faith                   

I’m Faith

Lois                          

And I’m Lois.

Faith                      

Our podcast explores life’s many transitions that inspire and daunt us.

Lois                       

Well, hello Faith.

Faith

Hi Lois.

Lois                         

Where do these weeks go by so fast? I don’t know, but I’ve spent a lot of time ruminating about lots of stuff and you know, break up wasn’t the easiest last week to either dive into or to think about because those kinds of things bring up all sorts of issues of did I do this the way I really hoped I would? I hope we’re helping some of us get to that place of owning what we’ve done and saying, you know, we did what we could with what we had and let’s be as kind as we can moving forward in these transitions of life because they’re hard.

Faith                    

They are very hard.

Lois                        

So as we explore transitions, one that many of us face as we grow and start moving through life is right here on episode 61 and this is kind of a delicious one. Transition: The Impact of Personal Evolution.

Faith                     

I love this one because we don’t ever take the needed respected time to understand that we are indeed continually transitioning in life as to who we are as a person. We let it slip by and sometimes we miss great opportunities. So I’m really hopeful that this podcast will give us pause to stop, to reflect and to see what’s going on in our own lives.

Lois                       

We sometimes forget that the unknown things around us aren’t necessarily going to pull us under. They might actually provide us with all sorts of new opportunities and sometimes we decide to make some improvements, which take us out of our comfort zone. And that’s what really is challenging because we’re looking at the unknown and how to make a transformation that looks like the impact of some personal revolution. We are making a decision and this decision is almost always voluntary, so we’re in a different place. A lot of them transitions we’ve been discussing have been things that have happened around us and they have kind of, you know, just kind of rumbled and then it exploded into something. This is not that. Personal evolution is a choice to change up, to look at the landscape and to take that next step and it’s not always easy.

Faith                     

It’s not always easy and that’s oftentimes where we find ourselves stopping and going, I really don’t want to move. I’d rather just stay here. Thank you very much. And that’s okay. That’s a choice that you make in that time in your life, but the opportunity is always going to be there – do you want to stay or do you want to move forward?

Lois                       

I love to start thinking about new things and I know the difference in my own head when I embrace my thoughts, faith and say, okay, I’m ready to see what this might look like or if I think it and then I go nope… I’m not ready. I allow an obstacle or maybe some fear or someone else’s comment to stop me dead in my tracks. And I use that as an excuse. Oh, because they said that versus the fact that I didn’t decide to embrace my thoughts. Because if I take what I’m interested in doing seriously, then there’s a really strong likelihood that I’m at least going to take that first step and say what could happen here? But Faith, fear, just like, oh my goodness. It’s like the fear comes around us.

Faith                   

It just grabs you and it just shakes you because we are so afraid of rejection. So afraid of failure. So afraid that we won’t be understood, will be misunderstood. And so we want to play it safe because we don’t want to experience those feelings. So there’s that risk factor. And how often we’ve talked about the risks that we have to take in life. No matter what we step into. And when we are talking about our personal growth and evolution, those are huge risks. We are stepping out into what we are imagining. Our thoughts, our dreams, our ideas, um, our passions. Those are all things that are part of us, but in a very unique way because it’s not a part of someone else. It’s a part of us. And that’s really vulnerable.

Lois                       

So today we’re going to talk about what personal evolution looks like in this 61st episode and what happens when those changes kind of leave others out of our orbit. Because that’s a part of the fear that we’re going to tap into that is so, so real. There’s a website called conscious motivation.com. And Faith, they reveal these four stages that someone goes through when they’re actually attempting personal evolution and they are the decision, fear, transformation and a new state of being. And it’s very, very cool. Let’s get to tap into each one. The first thing you gotta do is make a decision like those ruminating thoughts I have, I have to decide to grab one in and embrace it. Right?

Faith                    

Well look at us. What we did with the podcast, we had to make a decision about it. We were uncertain like what is this going to look like? And we were thinking about all kinds of different ideas and then you defined it and brought it more into focus about being a podcast. But it was still a decision we had to make. And this is true of anything we step into. We have to decide, are we going to step into it or are we going to withdraw from it? And if we were to draw from it, that’s okay. That’s a choice. That’s the decision. But then what else? What are you going to step into, I think the first part of that whole thing of the personal evolution is about the continual choice.

Lois                      

Yes. And making your decision for some people really hard. Yeah. You know, I’ve been watching this very, it’s funny at times, but this show called “The Good Place,” and there is a character on there named Chidi and he can’t ever make a decision. He is so, I mean if you put two muffins in front of him, he can actually go back six different times and cannot decide blueberry over whatever, pecan. And you know, some of the rest of us just go, oh, I’ll just take this. I don’t really care. And then we get it. We don’t like it. And so his point is, well that’s why I don’t choose because I might not like it. So I think when we think about choices, they’re not always that light. Maybe it’s deciding to become a parent. Maybe it’s a new position at work. Maybe it’s the podcast like Faith and I had to come to grips with, but when you make a decision, you name it. You give it some sort of name and then that gives you a little bit of, okay, now I kind of have to do it. Like if I’m going to quit smoking, you name it, you’re going to change this behavior. But that decision is very hard because speaking those words for some of us means, oh no, now I have to do it.

Faith                   

Right. I mean every business I ever owned, that was the first thing I ever did. I gave it a name. Every store I created, I gave it a name and once I gave it a name, it had life. And if you are a writer, name your book. Even if you change the title later on, give it a title and give it substance. That’s what begins to wrap around a definition is substance, and then it’s more tangible. You can hold it, you can begin to dream it and see it in a new form.

Lois                      

And I think the big question for people who are worried about that Faith is – what if I made the wrong choice? What if I gave the bad name to something that I shouldn’t have? And I think we’re here to say go for it. And if it’s the name that doesn’t work out, then you can change that. But if you don’t give it a name, then you don’t even get to start. Right? Because that’s the first level of transformation when you’re talking about personal transformation. And that’s what I love about this evolution of ourselves is, oh, it’s all about me making that first choice – to decide.

Faith                   

And another name you need to give it some times is what isn’t working in your life that’s holding you back from making that decision. So you start at the very basic levels. If you can’t make the decision, ask the question, why can’t I? What is holding me back and why can I not step into this? And once you know that, then you can begin to work on it. And if you need help working on it, then get it. Yes, but don’t let it stop you. Face the obstacle that’s in front of you so that it can move out of the way and you can move forward.

Lois                        

So you make a decision that’s step one. Now as soon as you make that decision, here’s something we can absolutely promise you. Fear is going to come right in. So if you, if you already had fear in the decision process, okay, you made it through that. So you cleared that hurdle, you went through that obstacle, now you’ve started it and now all of those things start creeping in. What is this person going to say? Are other people going to like my decision? Can I really do it? There’s so many fears the crop up and – just so you know – in almost every kind of personal evolution, this is the step where people stop.

Faith                    

Exactly. You have totally nailed it because fear and for me, terror. Fair enough. Sometimes it’s shakes me. You’ll stop you in the tracks. It’s like you’ve just met the lion on the trail and it’s growling at you and you have to deal with that and you have to understand it. Why am I so afraid? All those things you just listed and there may be many other things that could be the cause, but if we can name what the fear is, then we can begin to figure out what do I need to do to get around it because you can. Most people stop right here.

Lois                      

And if you allow this fear to grow and grow, this can stop you in every element of any personal evolution you want because it will come and every time you want to make a change and if you stay here, you’ll most likely abandon your goal because it can be bigger than you if you allow it to be bigger than you. A number of years ago when I had made my first transition out of regular broadcasting, I had the idea to write a book. And so I did it without going to lots of classes. I have been writing my whole life, but I made a decision to just go for it. And as I’m writing it, I did this kind of, I guess video log on Youtube so that I could let people know what my chapters we’re going to be about. And I was so afraid because you wouldn’t like this chapter or why are you bringing this up? Or why are you telling that story? And especially when you’re doing more of a memoir, like I was, there was criticism, some of it by people who really felt that I didn’t have to include certain elements or why didn’t I include this element. So there was all this sort of me trying to please this person and the idea of my book was actually the transformation of a cross cultural people pleaser. So I was actually trying to work through a lot of my fears as I was writing. And it’s interesting, I finally made it through that process and did publish and did have a time where people could come and gather and listen to me read parts of the story. And now it’s a piece of my life. But it’s not the only piece and it’s the reason we’re even doing what we’re doing today. Working through that fear and how I’m going to be embarrassed or this doesn’t look right was so huge. And if I had let any of those elements get larger and not batted it down, I kept thinking of it as that. Like what is that thing that you womp on the head? You know, that comes up. Whack – a -mole. But I know that’s not the best thing. But I mean, I would think I’d got one thing down and then the next one would pop up and then I had to whack that mole down. It may not be the nicest, most gentle way, a metaphor of describing it, but I had to be able to stop those moles from trying to get under my skin and holding me back from something that gave me at the end a lot of joy. And it also made me go through a process that has brought me to where I am today, where I really am so much less of a people pleaser because I went through it.

Faith                    

That’s perfect. And we oftentimes think like writing a book that you’re thinking how perfect it has to be. The reality is the process of writing that book had so much deeper meaning for you in your life and about your own personal transformation. And so you were evolving, you were breaking away out of that people pleaser role and all a number of things and facing things that maybe you hadn’t faced before. So we tend to put on what we’re doing, an outcome that may not be it. There may be an entirely different outcome that’s at work in our lives. You say no, you’re evolving, you’re becoming more of who you are meant to be. And this is an important step in your life.

Lois                      

And it’s the journey. Yes, it’s a journey, not the end result, because we don’t really know how that’s gonna turn out. So we’re just, we’re really called in a sentence as we start processing this to just keep walking. Exactly. We don’t know. Keep your eyes straight ahead. And what happens when you face that fear and when you know it’s still there, by the way, it’s always still in the back of your mind. I don’t think any of us really, you know, we wake up in the first few minutes of the day, there’s no fear. You know, we just enjoy waking up unless you really have a big thing to do, but then something will come that kind of you know, makes you breathe deeply and think twice. But does it stop you? Because if you get to this habit of seeing those things and then moving on, you get to get to step three, which is what is so interesting from conscious motivation.com and they say this is the transformation. Because we’ve gone through the decision, we’ve faced the fear and now the transformation begins and we start to see little small victories pop up instead of the fears and crushing us.

Faith                 

Right, exactly. And for the transformation to happen, we have faced, like you said, the fear and we’ve brought it down into kitty size form instead of lion form. And you can see the blessing that the fear actually was to be a means of breakthrough for you. And that breakthrough is absolutely monumental for transformation because what you’re leaving is a life as you’ve done it before and you’re entering into a life of how you’re going to do it now. And that is a birth. So this transformation piece now that you’re into is a birthing. You’re birthing into thinking differently, having a different thought, having different reactions instead of reacting, responding – and moving into who do I want to be known, how do I want to be known? How am I going to live my life? Those are all great deep insights that you are now ready to step into and begin to wear and say, this is kind of my new self and I like this. So this is a major thing to move. This is the victory piece. This is the fun piece of where you’re now into something new and there is a transition even in that.

Lois                       

There is, and sometimes it can happen from day to day or from a one hour to the, you know, in the morning you woke up full of fear and the afternoon someone calls you and says, you know what? I just read this thing and I think this is what you’re focusing on and this would be a great nugget and you realize someone is supporting me. If that’s what you needed at that moment, or you’re doing some research or you’re getting ready to be a parent and there’s an Aha moment and you just go, there you go, oh, this is what I’ve been waiting for. So you don’t know what’s going to trump your fear, but something will, and that is what we encourage you. If you stop, that’s okay. You can stop. But then you never get to see whether you’re going to get to this next step. And that’s what’s so exciting for me is I don’t really know when my fear ended and my transformation really started to take hold because it was a gradual moving into. It wasn’t a here, I’m afraid and here, I’m transformed. It doesn’t work that way. People think that’s what should happen. I know tomorrow I’m going to wake up, I’m going to feel this way. Well I didn’t.

Faith                

I know they want it fixed. Take the fear away. Now, let me just be in it. Oh yeah. Where’s the pill for that? You know, it doesn’t exist. There is this whole part about the transition to moving into being transformed and, and where you are in life happens with the back and forth. It’s kind of sifting it out. And so fear is still a part of what you have to face, but it strengthens you when you face that lion and it turns into a kitty, you pick up the kitty and you pet it and go, I overcame that part of that fear. Yay. And then you move on and then I’ll once another fear pops up. So you just, you keep sifting it back and forth until it’s resolved. And that’s where you’re headed.

Lois                        

So many people like to have to do lists every day. And the reason they do that, they break things down just like you’re talking about in bite size pieces. So if you finish these things, you have a view of yourself, your identity feels more, I don’t know, substantial, courageous as you’re going through something you’re very afraid of. So whatever it takes for you, maybe you don’t need those kinds of steps, but for a lot of us, if you can see what you have accomplished, you suddenly realized, okay, I didn’t just sit there. This is moving forward and this business is taking hold. This podcast is getting some traction here. People are responding. There are different ways that you start feeling transformed and you can start resting in that and that’s where you are able to breathe because a lot of this process can you hear it when you’re in that fear mode, you can’t catch your breath and only when you move through that fear and see it as a blessing. I love that. To see these pieces of fear that still will come as blessing. Then we can breathe and feel what transformation is like.

Faith                  

And if we can bring it back to the fact that everything that we’re facing, all the circumstances in life that we’re facing, that we’re trying to overcome and be victorious in, it’s really making a difference in who we are as a person. That’s what the personal transformation is all about. That’s what we’re talking about. It’s not the major outcome of, wow, I now have this business or we now have a super successful podcast or we have a successful anything. It is more about what is happening within me and we don’t oftentimes like to look at that. It’s more about what we are accomplishing because we are in that kind of a societal pressure that what we accomplish defines us. Right, and that’s not true. We are defined by who we are becoming, who we are, who we are becoming and who we will be. That’s the goal. Let all the circumstances of life be the very thing that molds us into that.

Lois                       

Because as we talk about this transition, the impact of personal evolution, the fourth phase we get into is a new state of being. It’s through the decision, through the fear, through the transformation that we start really embracing this idea that we had, maybe it was months ago, maybe it was a week ago. I don’t know what your timeline is like, or years ago, but you have a new state of being and you recognize, oh, this is what we do. Faith and I do podcasts. We had not seen ourselves in that realm until we finally dug in, went through all of those steps, you know, it’s kind of like a rollercoaster and then came up and went, oh, this is our new state of being.

Faith                

It is exactly my good friend Alison puts it this way. She said, it’s in your DNA now and that’s how it is. It’s like you’re not even thinking about anymore. It is. It has happened. It has occurred and now you are living it out and it’s just who you are. And that is the acceptance and the embracing of everything you’ve been through. It does take hold. It takes root, and oftentimes you don’t even realize it. Right. You know, like you said, you just wake up and, huh, wow, look what I’m doing and this is who I am.

Lois                     

And it becomes part of your DNA, your identity, and then you know what? You hold onto that until the next decision for personal growth comes up. And that’s what’s so beautiful about personal evolution. We don’t stop. We don’t, we don’t. And Faith. You have a beautiful description of what you see in front of you as the forerunner. By the way, we will get back to your word for the year at some point, but when you see ahead of you steps.

Faith                    

I see stepping stones I’ve always seen stepping stones and so instead of seeing them as something that I’m doing wrong, it’s just I have another step to take in front of me. And sometimes I’ve made decisions not to take that step, but I stay on the step that I’m on until I’m ready. And once I have gotten to a certain place, it’s like this whole vista opens up in front of me and it’s, it’s wonderful and I step into a whole new way of living my life and then before me, are new stepping stones. And then it’s like another process. Here’s the really important thing. Oftentimes when people hear that they say, are you kidding me? I have to keep doing this. Well, yeah, but it actually becomes fun. There was a time like, oh no, I don’t want to do this. And so all through my life it was like another growth, another growth. Now when there’s a growth period in my life, I look forward to it. It’s an adventure. It’s not drudgery. It’s not. The fear is less. There’s still fear, but it’s less. Why? Because I know there’s a great outcome. I have never gone through any of these stages without having a major outcome that has blessed me and enhance my life and made me more of who I am.

Lois                       

It is all about growing. It’s about learning and you know, you hear it all the time that we never want to stop learning. Well this is really part of what personal transformation and evolution is all about. It’s not something weird. It is actually how we thrive on a regular basis and keep going. You know? I mean I like to look back and you know, we all do things differently. In this year, Faith and I chose words and what we want to have move us forward. But there are times and occasions where I like to look and say, okay, where was I one year ago, five years ago? It’s a good thought process to do and then sit there with it and say, where am I now and where do I want to be in the next year with what I’m doing now? If everything you’re up to is leading you in a direction, awesome, wonderful. We’re so thrilled for you. But if you’re sitting in a place going, I want to be on this step that’s over there and I can see those steps and I can see that they can all lead in this direction, but I haven’t taken those steps. Maybe this is a time to consider what that looks like. And Faith, I think one of the hardest things for many of us as we challenge ourselves with personal evolution is what if we leave people out of that mix? We have such a change in our life that where people were with us, they are no longer.

Faith                   

That’s going to change things up for sure. There are going to be both that will either grow with us and they’ll be there and they’ll be there long term. There’ll be others that have journeyed with us for a season and it’s, and they go another direction. We don’t need to fear or doubt that or say something’s wrong. It is a part of what happens and it’s okay. And we become a magnet to those that are likeminded. And so if people don’t grow in the same way or take that same journey, then that magnet may kind of pull apart and that’s okay. You can still be friends, you can still be respectful, but the relationship will change. And that’s okay.

Lois                        

It does. And I think we always have to look at whether we are coming to this place of peace. Because for me, I’ve always known there was a time for a growth for personal evolution when there’s something unsettled and unsettled isn’t bad, by the way? No, it’s rumbling, it’s transition, it’s transformation. Throughout our website we have bubbles. And the reason we have those bubbles is because for both Faith and myself, we believe that something’s bubbling up. And as it bubbles up, that’s not a negative. It’s not a positive, it’s just there.

Faith                 

But something is stirring. Something is happening. There’s an action, there’s movement. This is the sad part that I see is that whether we realize it or not, we all are in it every single day. The opportunity for personal transformation is happening every single day. We have opportunities all around us. We oftentimes just miss them or don’t look at them or aren’t open to them. But if we get to that place where the bubbles start bubbling enough, we’re forced to look at them. So that, I see them as the treasure that yes, something wants to say, hey, attention please. Something is happening.

Lois                       

How exciting. And so if you are there, I think of decision, think of the fear you’re going to face, look for the transformation and then the new state of being. How exciting.

Faith                 

So improvement in our lives, no matter where it hits, involves making a choice. And on that journey, we determine whether the obstacle second in our way are real and should be considered, or whether it’s time to push through to the other side.

Lois                      

And then if you’re lucky, you’re going to get to do this again and again with joy, I promise you. So if you know someone who’s on this journey of personal evolution, please pass along our podcast and follow us on social media for all the transitions we’re sharing with you and join us next week – Transition: The Impact of Facing Death.

Faith                  

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Lois                       

More to Life with Faith and Lois is a podcast to support, encourage and uplift you.

Faith                  

As you transition through all sorts of change, we want you to know there is more to life.

Lois                       

We’ll be back next week.