Note: More to Life with Faith and Lois is designed to be heard, not read. We hope you’ll listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that won’t be on this page. Our transcripts are generated with speech recognition software and may contain errors. 

 

Lois 

Welcome to the podcast More to Life with Faith and Lois,.

Faith

I’m Faith.

Lois 

And I’m Lois.

Faith

Our podcast explores life’s many transitions that inspire and daunt us.

Lois 

Greetings Faith.

Faith

Good morning. Lois.

Lois 

It is a delight to join you on the 101st we are over the hump.

Faith

That’s amazing. Yeah.

Lois 

It is our podcast, More to Life with Faith and Lois and last week we had the pleasure of talking about living with integrity and that really impacts what we do from the inside out. And as I’m looking ahead to the holidays, I can’t tell you how much that was just a nice check for me to look at what my character is going to be like in the next few weeks as I have people in and out.

Faith

That’s so wonderful. It’s like kind of a spot check.

Lois 

Yes. Yes. So if you missed that one by the way, you can go back and listen to it and if our podcasts are resonating with you, please let someone know about them and share them or sign up for our weekly newsletter, which you can find on our website, which is www.moretolifewithfaithandlois.com and we’ll send you our podcast in your email every single Tuesday morning. So we are so excited about getting going today because Episode 101 Transition, the Impact of Giving and Receiving,

Faith

Oh, it’s so important to have that nice balance and we oftentimes can forget that if we get too rushed and too caught up in what we need to do, we can forget how it feels to give or to feel how it is to receive. And that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

Lois 

Yes, and it’s a, it’s a real circular thing and I think sometimes we split it up. I know I do and I just think of giving because I love to think about that and I forget how important it is to receive from someone when they have thought of a gift to give to me. And it’s actually this conversation as we decided to prepare for this, it’s really given me a new outlook on how to accept gifts that are given to me, whether they are tangible gifts or whether they’re words. So think about that as we move forward. So Faith, what is so important about balancing, giving and receiving.

Faith

If you’re just a giver and you don’t quite know how to receive, then it cheats the other person who is giving to you. So there’s a lot of times where we think we’re doing the best and we just pour out the gifts and you’ve known people like that, they just give, give, give, give, give. But when you go to give them something, it’s really difficult for them to take it in. And so there’s an imbalance and the dance, the perfect dance is when it can be mutually shared and where you’re offering something and then you can receive something. And because you’re receiving that person’s heart as much as you’ve given of your own heart.

Lois 

That is so beautiful and we’re going to touch on so many of those elements that you just, I know that growing up and through my life, one of the biggest mistakes I made was when I was giving a gift. I wanted so much for it to be received with the same intention that I gave it that when somebody said, Oh, that’s the wrong color, I’m going to take that back. I didn’t know how to respond to that because I was giving a gift and literally holding it as I was giving it to them like, you’re going to like this. I know you are because I thought so much. Instead of realizing that once I give a gift, I release it. And if it isn’t the right size or the right color, it’s okay because it’s not mine anymore.

Faith

It’s not personal.

Lois 

It isn’t personal, but I remember as a young person feeling that I had disappointed done the wrong thing and not appreciated the fact that it’s a gift. It’s something really precious that I’m handing over and you get to choose to do with it as you will. Now. I become more sensitive in my seasoned years as to how I receive gifts, knowing how I responded when someone didn’t receive my gifts that will. So I’m much more sensitive to that. And yet I know that when I give you something, if it’s not the right fit, if it’s not the right color, that’s okay.

Faith

You want them to enjoy it. There you go. You want them to enjoy the gift that you took, the time to give them.

Lois 

Right. And if it doesn’t turn out to be exactly what you thought you were giving them, then so be it. It’ll be just fine. So as we explore the balance between giving and receiving, there’s a lot to unpack and I’d love for you to hear these words from Deepak Chopra. He says, giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging. You know, Dr. Chopra is an expert in mind, body medicine, and he has a challenge. He says that giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy. So how do we keep this flow going? As you were talking before, how they balance each other out. As you consider giving this season, maybe you can ask yourself, what is your intention as you give?

Faith

That is so good because you, it’s not about the gift itself. You can spend a lot of time, but when you put behind it, why am I doing this? What am I trying to say? What is the message of my gift? That adds a whole different dimension of love and genuineness to the gift that you’re giving, and that oftentimes can be the piece that the person you’re giving it to can openly receive it in a different way. Recently I had a friend and we were doing these little gift exchanges and she gave me this most beautiful thing. It just, I burst into tears because she nailed it. And it was this beautiful hummingbird to put on a necklace and it had the body, it was out of a Pearl. And the Pearl is my birthstone and so here’s this beautiful, beautiful hummingbird. She knew what hummingbirds mean to me and the birthstone and the meaning of what a Pearl is, the Pearl of great price. And she said, that’s what I see in you. You’re a Pearl of great price. Oh my gosh, I will cherish that for the rest of my life. It’s such a treasure because so there was so much intentionality put into thought about what to give me.

Lois 

That is so beautiful, my goodness, who can top that? But I’m sure someone will, but you know that is the idea. Look at your intention and then you ask yourself, are you doing something conditional or are you doing it unconditional with no strings attached? And I think that’s where I had to check myself from before. As a younger person, as I gave gifts, it actually was conditional on you liking what I gave you. And if you didn’t like it, then maybe I wouldn’t be so happy. Right? But the gift wasn’t about me. So that intention was something that I need to really explore. You know, another intention is, are you giving to receive, hoping that you’re going to get something back in return?

Faith

Well, then what does that all about? Yes. You know, it’s really not about giving a gift. It’s not giving from your heart. It has an agenda. So gift giving is not about an agenda. It’s about opening yourself up and caring and offering something. It’s an offering to another person.

Lois 

Thank you so much. So when you’re giving is clear and clean, then you’re also going to be able to receive. And I think this comes through a lot when you hear people who are stressed and they say, you know, I just give, give, give, give, give and I get nothing in return and I’m so tired. And all of this happens. There was a great analysis put in one of the resources that we were looking at that said, if that’s how you feel and you may really feel that way right now you’re listening and you’re saying you have no idea about my life, I’m going to agree with you, but you’re probably in the doing mode and not the giving mode. And there’s a big difference and it’s very good what you’re doing right? And you’re doing yes.

Faith

But, but call it that. Yes, I am doing this because, and you need to add the answer to that question because why? Why are you doing this? And if it is about getting back or, or being noticed or being affirmed, okay, you may get that and you may not and you’re going to have to deal with that and live with that.

Lois 

You know, for any of you who have been in a caregiving situation, you may feel this right now, especially around the holidays that, Oh, there’s so much going on and I feel so depleted. So we would just encourage you to explore how you got to that place and to revisit the words. You know you are doing a lot and that is really great. And the truth is you may never get back what you put in there. And my promise to you, if you’re caregiving somebody that you care about, is at the end of the day, you’ll never regret what you put in.

Faith

That’s right. It’ll be the greatest gift you ever gave.

Lois 

There you go. If you can see it that way. And remember that every giver needs a receiver so you can practice being a good receiver. These are a couple of things that could actually help you out if you’re not, if you’re not good at receiving. First is accept compliments.

Faith

And that’s so hard for so many people is it’s just take it in. I had one person say one time when I get a compliment, I put one arm in and then another arm into a like putting it into a really old favorite sweater. And then I wrap it around me and I just cuddle into it. And that’s how I wear compliments. And I went, yeah, that was a learning experience for me because at that particular time I didn’t receive compliments like that. That was so foreign to me. I do more of that now.

Lois 

And just know how it feels when you’re giving someone a compliment and they can’t take it and you’re trying to help them. Oh God, I’m just, I’m just trying to, you know what that feels like. So next time you get a compliment today when someone says something nice to you, thank you. That’s all you gotta say. You know, and, and another way to practice being a good receiver is actually to count your blessings. And to look at those things that really are gifts in your life. And maybe write a couple of down Faith and I love journaling. So this might be a good little strategy to do.

Faith

And another one is to show up as you, not as someone else, not as who you think you need to be, but as yourself. Give yourself as a gift to the people you are with.

Lois 

And if you want to be a good receiver, stop complaining. Just, we don’t usually do this very often in our podcast, but think about it as, especially as you’re approaching the holiday season, the reduction in the amount of complaining you do will change how you can receive something.

Faith

Negativity brings down the atmosphere. Positivity brings it back up.                    

Lois 

That’s beautiful. So what would it look like to practice giving every day? You know it. It doesn’t have to cost you, but if you want to practice what it would look like to give, one of the things you could give is what we mentioned earlier is a compliment. What if like today you just decided, I’m going to try to give something to every single person I meet. A compliment. What if that’s the first thing you do? Not a fake one, but something that you really can share to somebody about what they have done that is important just in their own lives that you’ve noticed and said, I value this trait or this skill, or you.

Faith

Acknowledging them. Just seeing them, smiling at them, greeting them, saying, good morning, how was your day? How was your weekend? Those are the kinds of things. Again, you’re giving this person some respect and acknowledgement that they exist and that can change a lot in that person’s life.

Lois 

You know, sometimes we think that we don’t have the resources at this moment to be giving a lot, especially around the holidays. But Faith you brought up a friend mentioned that when she went through her office space, she would regularly say good morning. That’s a gift that you’re giving your, it’s a statement. It’s an acknowledgment and eventually that’s going to take hold.

Faith

Exactly. And then I had another friend who was in kind of a dark, a work environment and she started going in early and she’d put candy kisses on everybody’s desk and they’d show up like, who put this here? Who put this here? They began to change how people looked around like who left a kiss. So it doesn’t have to cost a lot. It’s, it’s taking the time to say, I see you, you matter and I’m going to acknowledge it.

Lois 

You know, we all live busy lives to some extent and yet there is kindness that we can show. And what does that look like? Our neighbors last week for whatever reason, decided in the alleyway to sweep all of our leaves that were behind our house and we have more trees than anybody in our backyard. And it was a huge load of leaves. And so this weekend, many of us were out doing the last minute gardening before the snow was going to be coming in and we caught the neighbors out there and I said, by the way, I want to thank you so much for having, you know, swept our leaves. I can’t believe you did that. It was kindness that they gave to us, but the reciprocity of us knowing and acknowledging and by the way guessing and we were right that it was them and letting them know that it has changed. It made this transformation, long conversation, a decision to get together at another time together. It was beautiful. All because of an act of kindness. They showed to us.

Faith

And you, you received it and you responded, yes. That’s so good.

Lois 

There’s the circular giving and receiving, which now everybody feels fabulous about. Yes. Another thing that you can do as a, you know, a word of thanks that you can offer just like that or a written note. Faith, you’re really good at this with notes and how important it is where on occasion people get a note that they don’t expect from you.

Faith

Or an unexpected card. I love to send cards as well or, or just, uh, sometimes I will write out how I see them and who I see them being and I get more personal and they love that those who are just, it doesn’t take that long, but there are some of the best gifts that sometimes people receive.

Lois 

So if today you want to think about how you could practice giving to a number of people, this will not take much out of your pocket book, but it might make a huge difference in the life of others. We’d like to share a little bit about our podcast sponsor right now, Affordable Aesthetics and introduce you to Anna Twerskoi who’s an expert in skincare. She’s passionate about helping people like you look and feel their best.

Faith

Anna has been in the healthcare industry for more than 20 years and launched affordable aesthetics to provide a wide array of treatments.

Lois 

Maybe you’re considering a regimen for skin tightening, hair and pigment removal, weight reduction, or excessive sweating, or you’re interested in Botox, injectables or laser treatments.

Faith

In their calm and beautiful office, Affordable Aesthetics works with you on your schedule to determine the best treatment for you.

Lois 

Call to schedule your free consultation. (303) 669-0880 or go online to www.affordableaesthetics.net.

Faith

Look younger, improve your mood and feel more energetic and positive. Don’t wait. Call today.

Lois 

So we are back with episode 101 Transition. The impact of giving and receiving. So what happens, Faith, when you give?

Faith

Oh, you feel so good. Just feel like, you know, there’s this kind of a little joy,boys, just jumping around all inside of you are joy girls and it’s, it’s just an exciting time to know you’ve taken the time to find something and offering it and it’s good. It’s just a good feeling.

Lois 

Yeah. And you think about the other person. Yes. As you’re thinking about them and putting this idea, whether it’s a compliment or a note or an actual tangible gift, you know that you’re bringing joy to that person. And so it comes back.

Faith

Always comes back because back around the set, you kind of euphoric, goodness rises up inside because you have done something good for someone else.

Lois 

You know, it’s funny, but the more I find myself giving, the more I find I, I love that person or I love just the people that I’m around that I want to just keep giving more. It exponentially grows. It doesn’t zap, it doesn’t take away from you. And so that’s one of the things to remember as you give, it’s actually going to give back to you.

Faith

And it always does. It always comes back around and it doesn’t have to be in a gift form. It comes in the satisfaction and the contentment that you begin to receive.

Lois 

And let’s talk about the receiver. What happens to the receiver when he or she receives a gift?

Faith

When you really receive it, you get that wonderful feeling. Like I did with that gift that my friend gave me. It’s just it touches deeply and you feel significant. You feel like you’ve been seen, you’ve been known, you’ve been valued. Wow. That’s just incredible. And it carries with you. And so that’s why whatever the gift is, take the time to absorb it and to take it in and to treasure it, even if it is something you’re going to need to exchange, receive it in the way that it was given to you.

Lois 

That is so beautiful because just as we talked about how your love grows when you’re giving, your love grows. When you receive, you just express that with your, that beautiful pendant that it just explodes and grows for this person. And it’s not because you’re waiting for a quid pro quo, a tit for tat. You want this. It’s because you’re so appreciative of the thought that went into it that it starts blooming. So that’s what happens to the receiver. Yes. Which is so cool. Now there is also something we want to touch on because there are some people who are not able to receive for whatever you know. You’ve given a gift, you think you’ve thought it through, you think you’re clear and because that’s the other portion. Remember don’t give, if you’re out there to like bonk somebody over the head with something but your, you feel clear and clean and you give something to someone and they are not able to respond for a variety of reasons. But one of them might be because there is some anger or resentment and they have no space to receive. So what do you do then?

Faith

Hmm, well that’s where you, it needs a lot of discernment as to is this doing more good or more harm. And if it’s doing more harm than it may be as period of time where you need to step back and then also to consider what are they angry at? Is that the fact that I am giving them a gift or is it the fact that they’re not ready to be able to receive something from me? And then maybe to ask the question, a better question would be, what can they receive? Is there something I could do that would cause them not to flare up at me?

Lois 

And I think that’s a good point because at some point to pause and pull back so that you don’t cause more anger if then what you’re doing is giving and heaping coals on somebody, it’s not helpful. It just makes people more angry. They keep returning to sender, they keep trying to give you a message that they don’t want something from you. At that point, just breathe. Yes. You know, clear it with yourself where you are and sometimes you may just not know. You may not be able to tap into that.

Faith

Your best gift could be not giving and it could be the gift they need right there.

Lois 

Yeah, and some people have to learn how to receive. Yes, they have a really difficult time with compliments. They’re afraid if they get a gift, they’re going to have to reciprocate and they have it in their head. So they will actually, you’ve been to parties like this. I want no gifts, do not bring anything. I don’t want anything. And you know, faith and I don’t parties like that.

Faith

Well, I ignore that request.

Lois 

But there are some people who are so serious about that that when you do it out of a clean heart and thinking that you’re going to be helpful, it really does upset them. So think about when you know people are in that position, give them the room to breathe.

Faith

Exactly. Exactly. To respect the person who is maybe in a tough place, they don’t know how to receive or they haven’t been given to in life, they’ve been hurt by gifts or they’ve been ignored, they can feel really awkward. So take that into consideration and respect. What can I do for this person that would truly be something they would enjoy and be a blessing and not extravagant. So maybe they need some homemade preserves that you’ve made or something and with a bow around it or popcorn that you’ve done and made candy corn or something. And you give them that and they can receive that. So get it. Make the gift in a place where they feel comfortable in where they’re at in that moment.

Lois 

You know, giving and receiving is a really amazing balance. And when you do get in tune with this way of living, you’ll you really begin to see that giving and receiving are two parts of the whole. And we had talked about integrity last week and this kind of continues that theme, but it really is circular when you think about it and how you live your life.

Faith

Hmm. So true. When you learn to give and receive, you experience a sense of belonging that comes from both parts of the whole.

Lois 

And when this belonging sticks, you understand that giving and the receiving takes place at the same moment in time.

Faith

When you give, you do receive. So embrace this balance and watch how it fills you up.

Lois 

Please share this podcast and join us next week for transition, the Impact of Self Care.

Faith

Get the latest news on our social media platforms and on our website and please subscribe.

Lois 

More to Life with Faith and Lois is a podcast to support, encourage and uplift you.

Faith

As you transition through all sorts of change, we want you to know there is more to life.

Lois 

We’ll be back next week.