Note: More to Life with Faith and Lois is designed to be heard, not read. We hope you’ll listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that won’t be on this page. Our transcripts are generated with speech recognition software and may contain errors.
Lois
Welcome to the podcast More to Life with Faith and Lois.
Faith
I’m Faith.
Lois
And I’m Lois. Our podcast explores the things you face in life that inspire and daunt you.
Lois
Good morning, ,Faith,
Faith
Good morning, Lois. We’re almost to summer.
Lois
Oh my goodness, this has been a crazy time, hasn’t it? And we have faced an incredible journey over the past few months. I mean, since mid March, we have been doing things very differently Faith.
Faith
We most certainly have. But you know, I have found it really beneficial for me personally, because it has been a place to help process each step and phase we’ve been going through for these many months.
Lois
In fact, since mid March, Faith and I have decided to focus on the impact of COVID-19. And that lasted until a few weeks ago when we knew that diving into racial injustice. was also critical. So by the way, if you’d like to hear any of the coverage we’ve done on the impact of and moving through and what our next steps, we have a whole host of podcasts for you, you can check that out on our website, which is www.moretolifewithfaithandlois.com or on your favorite podcast platform. and sign up for our weekly newsletter. We are keeping you updated with all the latest developments. If you go to our website, and go ahead and sign up, you’ll get those in your emails. So as you can hear Faith and I are still social distancing. Hi Faith on zoom.
Faith
Hi, oh, man, Is there ever going to be an end to zoom in the relationship? Yeah, looking forward to that.
Lois
Yes. In fact, in fact, Faith and I have put it on the calendar when we’re going to be meeting face to face but carefully as well. We’re also looking into all the safety measures so that we can make sure that we are safe and safe with whatever we bring back into our system. spective home. So, while we’re still social distancing, we are planning to move back into our themed podcasts as early as next week. And today, we’re going to try to tie together so much of what we’ve been sharing with you. And we hope that this makes a little sense as we take these steps because as you’ve also noticed that every week we’ve been creating videos during these times of uncertainty and unrest, and faith, and I will continue to do the videos as we see fit. Today we are wondering, what does it look like to pursue resilience?
Faith
You know, when I hear the word resilience, immediately I think about it from a physical point of view, like am I tired? I have no resilience I have nothing left in me. And and that feeling of depletion, that feeling of how do I move past that to be resilient again, to have energy to have Spark. But as important as that is, we’re going to address it from a different perspective. Today we’re going to be talking about more from an emotional and how do we handle this internally within ourselves and our character as it flows through becoming more resilient through times that are uncertain, unknown. We’ve never been here before. And and so we don’t have a map necessarily of where to place our next step. But there is a way that being resilient of finding that deep within us, we can move through it.
Lois
Yes, we can. And whether it’s COVID-19, or your voice to promote the interests of people of color, there is a way to develop and strengthen your resilience, which has a number of definitions and faith has touched on a bunch of them all mixed together, because that’s really how we all view resilience, right? We are all over the map and, and resilience is defined as the capacity to recover in some way from difficult life events. And, you know, I always like to think about it. It’s not a race and it’s not I feel good today or I don’t feel good today, it’s this steady movement in a progressive way to reach a certain place. And then you can look back and see how far you’ve come. So resilience is, is kind of like going through something without everything you need, like the whole trail map, but it’s knowing that, that by, by doing certain things, certain steps along the way, there are ways to cope and ways to get through. And so we are grateful to a number of resources today, which you’re going to find in our transcript if you want all of the details, but among them are Six Habits of Resilient People from www.fastcompany.com and the article Resilience from www.mindtools.com. So we thought we’d share a number of ways that can bring you to this place where you start to feel like you are being able to mentally or emotionally cope with a crisis and and one of the first ones is something faith you and I talk about all the time and that is building relationships.
Faith
Hmm, we have to have that support. If we don’t have a connection somewhere, whether it’s one person or if it’s 100 people that you have in your life, we need that encouragement, that insight, someone to bounce things off of our feelings or reactions, our opinions, our arguments. It’s helpful to have people we can trust to walk with us through this time, that gives us the assurance that we are not an island ourself trying to survive, we are actually woven into a larger reality of, of humanity that is there and that can walk with us. So yes, building relationships is critical and vital in this and you know, you and I have talked about that if you don’t have a good friend. There are ways to reach out to other people Until you know that time in your life comes when you do have a good friend.
Lois
I think as we have been really burdened by everything that’s going on with COVID-19, and trying to figure out how to respond to the racial inequity, injustice that’s around us, we can often feel like we’re lost if we don’t put a face to some of these matters that are going on in our lives. And that’s why building relationships is so critical if we’re going to pursue resilience, because if we’re doing it in a vacuum, it’s very difficult to have the empathy or to want to reach across the border or to hold and figure out where we stand on certain issues. When we don’t have perspective of a relationship of someone who is hurting through this or someone who is thriving through this or someone who needs assistance getting through it. I mean, there’s so many different ways to look at it, but they all depend on us being with someone knowing someone who’s going through this, and that’s why we are bringing up these issues every week, because we know how important it is not only to talk about it, but to relate to the other, who is going through this. And as we build these relationships, whether it’s someone you’re close to in a, in a relationship in a home, your spouse, whether it’s your family, whether it’s friends, whether it’s people that you stay connected with, they’re the ones that are kind of feeding you and sometimes we don’t always agree. And that’s also good too, because these relationships will help determine how resilient we can completely be as we go through the process.
Faith
Hmm, that’s all so good. That’s so good. And another one is to reframe your past hurts, the things that have wounded you in life, the things that have hurt you and you’ve carried it into your current day life. Well, ordinarily, you can probably manage it well, but when you have the pressure of COVID and and the protests And the things that can generate some anxiety or uncertainty within us, then our past hurts can kind of come in there and start to haunt us and and press into us a bit more so to different factors is, is to reframe it see it differently. And I like the word instead, I oftentimes we have mentioned this before a few times that you look at it one way, but you can add it instead, an opposite of I have a choice now to view it differently. So if I feel threatened, I could say I’m empowered to make a choice as to what I’m going to do if I feel threatened. And those are ways to reframe how you feel. The flip side of that too is though, I just want to add that it really keeps haunting you do something about it. Talk to someone Don’t let it just be there tormenting you inside. That’s where help can be if you have a good friend that you can process with, or a spouse or a significant other. And if the worst comes to worse, you can see a professional and say, You know what, I’m wrestling with this, I can’t shake it. And sometimes just talking to somebody who can professionally walk with you through it can change everything.
Lois
Oh, and please, please, you know, there are resources like that. Faith is a registered psychotherapist, and I’m a life coach. And we have contacts and connections as well beyond ourselves that we would love to put you in touch with, if that’s what you need. And there are also ways to look at situations and and try to feel to understand how they might be able to teach you. I think, for me what I’m learning more than anything is there. The great things in my life, teach me sometimes, but where I sometimes learn the most is when I have faced an obstacle that I really thought I would never Be able to endure, or someone has said something to me that that took me for a loop. And I had to really recover from that, or has done something to me, and how much those circumstances taught me where to go in the next step. And so faith is completely right. There are some times where we need to just sink in and figure out how to resolve that so that emotionally we can move on. And there are other times where we can look at the situation and say, What is what am I learning through this? How can I move forward and have a shift in perspective? And so it’s a both and here where we’re not saying one is the only way but there is a lot to be said for being able to reframe some of your past hurts when you are pursuing resilience so that you can get to this place where you know you’re coming through a crisis onto the other side.
Faith
And then accept failure. Wow. Exactly except failure, okay. That when we are haven’t reached or obtained a place we really want it to be. To accept it and to learn from it and to let it develop us, as you just said, is, it’s an opportunity to discover more. And we’ve talked about this on other podcasts that failure is not a mistake, it’s not a horrible thing to have happen. There’s so much learning material in something that hasn’t turned out well. So again, this is also an opportunity to have us expand, have us understand, and if we say the wrong thing, or we do the wrong thing and these times, okay, let’s learn from it, instead of harboring it and having it become something that eats away at us inside.
Lois
And another way as we’re moving through resilience and wanting to pursue resilience, which is by the way, the ability to recover from these very difficult life events, To keep your options open, and I think faith and I have through our lives have worn many hats, and we continue to do that in our everyday current situations, but we’ve worn many hats in terms of our professions. And I think sometimes we attach ourselves so strongly to one identity, that if something falls away in that we go, where would I go? Where’s my self worth? And and we talk a lot about the roots and where you go down and then also what what you show that’s why we are more to life because we really believe that your identity begins and swells and then can come out and show but it isn’t just in what we do. And so it’s so great when we try different things. And we realize there are other areas in our lives from where we can get our self worth, which is goes back to everything we’re talking about, right faith. I mean, the reason that relationships and people are still so important in our life is because we don’t do it on our own. So keep those options open. As best as possible.
Faith
Mm hmm. And a real powerful one for resilience, so it doesn’t undercut who you are the foundation upon which you stand is to step into the practice of forgiveness. And wow, that’s a toughy. Because oftentimes, if you’ve been really hurt or betrayed, or abandoned, forgiveness is hard to do. But one of the things I’ve often talked to my clients about, and I practice myself is that forgiveness starts with a choice. I choose to forgive, you might not feel it, he might not even believe it for quite a while, but you can choose it. And so I when I had to work about on myself with a relationship with someone, I oftentimes I’m not feeling it, but I will say I choose to forgive this person. And until I do, I’m going to keep working on myself until it becomes a part of me. And sometimes that takes a few hours, a few days, a few weeks, and in some cases a few months, even a year. But if you’re choosing it, I promise you, it’s going to expand within you. And the best part about forgiveness is that it sets you free. And you don’t have to worry about whether the other person accepts it or not. That’s reconciliation. We’re talking about forgiveness. Forgiveness comes from you. And then when you’re able to really release that and you let that person go, you’re free.
Lois
That is beautiful. And and never forget that if there’s something that’s going on turmoil-like inside of you and you haven’t forgiven yourself, that’s a great place to start because I often find that if I’m having a log jam or an or an issue of not wanting to make that choice that you’ve just described faith, there’s something going on inside of myself, for which I haven’t forgiven myself. For that I’m angry at how I handled the situation. So as fate said, the place to start is with you and with the choice. And then also look, if there’s something that you are frustrated with what you’ve done personally, and move from that, give yourself the grace because we will find it really challenging to give other people that grace and other people that forgiveness when we haven’t given it to ourselves.
Faith
And the last one here is sense of purpose. Oh my goodness. And wow, that is so vital though. If we’re going to be resilient, if we don’t have a purpose, if we don’t have a plan, if we don’t have a vision, if we don’t have a hope set before us. Well, we are going to wither. We’re going to just become an old Broun, that falls to the ground. And it doesn’t it’s not it’s not lush, it’s not healthy. And so having a purpose having a meaning for life is vital to Feeling resilient because you can go back to it. And don’t allow discouragement. And I’m just saying this, I’m not trying to fix it, because I know discouragement and despair and depression can rob you of purpose. But if it does, then deal with that, deal with discouragement, deal with despair deal with depression and say I’ve got to face this and wrestle that. So I can find my purpose again, because it’s life giving.
Lois
You know, when you know there’s something you’re striving for that you’re moving toward that you’re trying to pursue resilience. Then when you hear that somebody said something about you or is claiming something and you’re feeling kind of wrecked about it for a moment, when you have something to look forward to those words become less powerful. And I have found that when I start prioritizing what needs my attention the most and actually doing that, so So that I can get back to where I want to be what people say or do around me means less, because I recognize that’s out of my control. And what I do have control over is where I want to go. My sense of purpose, what I want to accomplish. So if you hear some feedback, or you get something on on social media that doesn’t go exactly the way you want, and you know, who you are, where you’re standing, where you’re going, it’s amazing that that sense of purpose will actually give you some of that courage to stop you from being so paralyzed because that’s what happens we get, we get paralyzed when we when something comes in the way and blocks us off. And so, like faith is talking about when you have a strategy when you have a plan when you’re actually looking forward to this. It’s It’s remarkable how resilient we become. And we look at that and say, Well, I’m on this path. I don’t have all the signposts I need but I’m making them as I go along.
Faith
Because no matter how bad it gets, no matter what we really face, there is always another level of hope and a new day and a new beginning. And there’s always good to be found. even in the darkest of days, we talked about that, that we need to find that purpose, even in a dark, heavy day, look out and see something that resonates that hope and that purpose for life.
Lois
And please, if there’s ever a moment that you do need to talk or would like to engage with us on our social media platforms or by email, please feel free to go to our website and reach out to either faith or to myself or to both of us, and we will do our best to get back to you as soon as possible.
Faith
Resilience is not a trampoline. It’s a steady climb that takes time, strength and help from people around you.
Lois
Whether facing what’s next post COVID-19 or wondering how to respond to racial injustice. You will experience setbacks on this path and we urge you to keep going.
Faith
You are not alone. And we are here if you need to talk
Lois
And join us next week when, as we continue to find our voice in these podcasts.
Faith
Sign up for our weekly newsletter on our website and subscribe to our podcast wherever you listen.
Lois
No matter what you face in relationships, your body, spirituality or your craft.
Faith
We are here to assure you, there is always more to life.
Lois
We’ll be back next week.